Facts

I am not a saint , and in my vicinity , no one is . Every night before I go to sleep , I contemplate how the days are passing . I was born on 25th Sep,1986 . Its been almost 24.5 years and I have achieved what the world wanted me to . I've a degree and am working "Happily" in Samsung India Software Operations ,Bangalore .I'm not posting a resume , just writing off facts .

So to say ,as I see it , may be 10 years from now , I ll be some manager in some company ,and again "Happily" guiding people for the better of the company . A normal citizen , a normal life . And some 25 years from then I would have departed ,again as some normal person who led a normal life .And so I feel very abnormal about it . Isn't life to have some meaning ?

I feel , may be , I'm too pessimistic . Not considering the upper hand that has been blessed upon me from the Almighty . I can have food , money , a house to live in and every basic necessities . But then ,are these necessities the meaning of life . I don't, I would say in that case , understand the meaning of the phrase "meaning of life " ,I'm too confused !!

Then maybe , life is about giving back to this world . May be , for the timebeing , as things have evolved , a genuine purpose can be to get the human world at par . At least , the purpose I'm talking about can serve the lesser blessed ones !! One day,then may be , we wont have children dying in the arms of their mothers , a naked man on the platform begging for that 1 Re. we so much hesitate to part with , the poor boy doesn't need to be battered for not having delivered the food in time because he couldn't walk on his one feet . Would that make a life worthwhile ,or is it too much to ask ?

I'm sure , my dear readers , this pity resides in your core somewhere . But the problem is in the execution , because then , in serving , you loose the life that makes money for you , the abstract instrument that plays the abstract notes of this mechanical life and you endear this already worthless life so much that you clearly overlook the worth of this one deed . Indeed , I'm no different . And that is where it all ends up , we move on ,but always navigate the same periphery , contemplating and moving on again !!

Or is life about making the best out of it , being happy in everything you do ,learning and then taking giant leaps ? I term that as the professional sense of life , the "Karma".Is "Karma" so much associated with the hearts that it can genuinely make a person happy ? Then I've not known it , the God in me has died and didn't tell me a word while parting .But then there are crores of people working in this one industry , is this "Karma" to all of them ? Or is the "Karma" only about feeding your dependents ? So , if so many a people follow "Karma" so handsomely , this world should have been a heaven already . Envy , hatred , killing would not have been the order of the days . Isn't it sad , that after having so many religions to preach , we can't follow a single one ? A single goal , I m sure (though not so much of an atheist ), of these religions , is to profess brotherhood , but that didn't happen in families themselves,forget the human race .

I am not mocking you , my readers , I'm mocking myself , the environment around me , and the fact that everyone has become centered to himself . The fact that the name , the "country ", that had bound us together is , sadly, nothing for us . That is a very brave statement to make , but look beyond that ego , which roots itself that u salute your flag on the 15th of August every year . Look , how we are literate men, shackled in the chains of an unknown and worthless lust.Look how we are so indifferent to some who are different and braver than us ,so much so that they fight for us and even die , but we , like the rocks on the sea-coast just watch the waves coming and going .

The Logic Of Insanity

A long time had it been . Our life would have fallen in the best of paradigms of what normalcy is . It had been smooth , easy as the word and flowing with the word go . In this world, where they defined the law of humanity and society , we ,to say ,in its embodiment, did not lead from the front , but weren’t too far behind . With the idea of the youth , to form the rebels , we sadly fell prey , circumstantially or apparently, to what we really hated , being normal !

It had been full-fledged duration of some five years when we had met last . Electronic equipments are one thing , they seem and claim to bring people closer , but it was different . Heart to heart , should the words express the truth behind. In this very small town called Gorakhpur , we hardly ever evolved through the boon or curse (you choose ) , of mediocrity . Our life was never one which had the soothe of the cool winds , nor were we endowed with the serenity of the night . And when we had them , it was all alone , when we were left to feel it , but the best things in those times , we missed , Friends !!

Of late , I had an attack of a streak of imagination or innovation , whatever , and named my oldest pal Apurva , Pashchim . His Hindi was a bit on the French side for him , so as we believed , he took some time to get par with the logic . Anyways , on the night of 20^th March, at around 11:30 , with a deliberate thought for nuisance, we “sneaked” out of our houses , boarded Abhinav’s newly wed i20 and left . For us , it was an attempt, out of the blue . When u are in a place as small as Gorakhpur , it is considered to be “NOT SO AUGUST” an idea, with people in your locality getting rampant thoughts of pity for the parents ,should they have a sight of the escape and of pride , that their children are “too well born” and the rest. Well, we left . Not very sure of what and why we were doing it , but it sure had to be exciting. And the five of us drove. We had left our lives to Abhinav, our driver , just for the time I mean !!

And I had all the time in the world now to understand what was going on . With the lyrics from the “Poets of the falls”, and the intoxication of the night , my mind, after a really long time , fell asleep , rested and then arose to my friends . And all the memories came flying by . Our childhood , and the unknown bonds we had in the differences, the way we filled the holes and didn’t know ever .We played our guts out sometimes to prove the better , never studied but always wanted to be the scholars , and the rides on the bicycles , the envy when someone got a Sunny ,all of them . And then at that moment I realized why we didn’t want to be normal ever. Because being normal means u loose the most cherished part ,the purest one ,from your inside and fall to the hands of the lust to show off the bleakness and emptiness of lesser mortal elements . How shitty are these normal people !! How shitty I am getting to be , YUKKKKK!!!

Well then , we drove with the cool winds to a place called the Ramgarh Taal , a place , you may say to be the paradise for this place. The moon was the hyped SUPER MOON ,and the small flutters on the surface, disturbed with our presence ,glittered as silver . A light house, which Mr. Winkle Singh , conferred , were the reflections from the surface , a place in the pond which was slightly “distorted ” because of the “slant ” there , was only one happy with our presence . Well to introduce u , Mr. Singh is a highly reverenced Probationary Officer in the UBI , in case u have taken himself for an insanely technical poet [:D] .. But it can do it to u , the leverage of being one ,and not being noticed, that’s friendship !! [;)]

And we reminisced the beauty that came to our minds with the another one that stood before us, our past . And the hearts wept , giggled and came to “LIVES”. And we talked of the lives , made fun of one another , inebriated just a ‘LITTLE’ and were on our way back . It felt like an unknown promise we were meaning to keep , that we’ll be in touch after this one experience , forever . And u , my dear readers , would by this time would have understood , the meaning of what is ‘Heart to heart’ !!

What we’re in now is a difference . We have expended too much for the abstract. At least for me , the monotony is far behind now . Friends are back . The life is back . At least now , when I sit at my desk and code , there can be livelier moments I can think off . Of how we were rendered ‘naked’ in the mask of the festivity , how we smoothened our hearts with the rocks of the poets and how we, my friends , became the insane poets , the logicless ones , with no idea of words , none to compose a song , but the pride to have sneaked to bring back something, so important , from the dead of the past !!

MISS U BUDDIES . NOW MORE THAN EVER !! LOVE YA ALL !!

A vis-a-vis with the electronic city !!!

It so sometime happens that you want to give a start ,you have an idea, but when it gets to immortalizing it, you grow numb. No wonder I am going through the same phase currently. I am here, in a new world, its Bangalore, a city of dreams for software professionals, and unfortunately I was one of those.
It was 28th of may 2010 I first landed in Bangalore and was supposed to reside at the Didi's for the remaining,supposedly, thrilling days.I hired an auto rickshaw and it went through.I was exploring the city bathed in one of its evenings.Give one free look at it and you would find it booming and glazing much as the evenings of Diwali in our part of the world.Deep within,it saddened me,enough to exist till today.I don't know what had hit me but to me it seemed all so mechanical.The auto-wala was like honey sweetened with sugar,the mobile phone stuck at the top floor of every walking robot,who,I dont know how,was programmed with a bug of 'smile'.This 'smile' didn't come off the cause of the instant,rather was incessant.And if they say I am getting isolated ,so it may be.Because for me,life is to smile for a reason and to cry for another.I need to have all of them in my life,may it be smiles,sniffles or sobs,only they may have a reason to reside.
Only today,I was watching the movie 'Swades'.I know ,you,dear reader,would have liked it as much as I have,and might have verily questioned yourself when SRK was being interrogated for the same,but what is it and why is it that you keep yourself at bay ? Really,just question yourself,are the riches worth them ?What 'is' there in that 'FORUM' mall after all? Faces that haven't greeted well since there Bangalorian formations,isn't it ? Faces which would pass unnoticed until you question their status.Faces that would unbind the self within, when you pass for an equally mechanical objective! Whooopsss! Impossible,really it is to call this world real.Computers have only been created to the extent of the virtual memory concept,but whooooooo we have virtual faces here!!!
Terrible it is to watch India fade.We had a culture,to foster love,greet the elderlies,and respect lay in the essence of shame and reservedness!! Forget the emotions,even the words are obsolete now.I am not,in any way,disregarding the fact that India should,in time and thus fashion stick to the old,no!! Its just that the essence should be felt.It should be like a distant aroma from the garden of roses,the obvious raindrops at the apex of hilltop,that should always be persistent.we cannot afford to loose these things,which have guaranteed the existence of mankind,cultures and religions throughout the expanse of time.
The race has begun to better the average I.Q. levels among the people.Recently have I read,how they are coming up with the ideas to enhance the working memory,which corresponds to the sharpness and intelligence ofa person.All said and well done!! But why are the needs never fulfilled? Why has the lust for more ever been so very dominating? Why is shrieking in the face of cool winds on a cloudy day so uncouth ?Why is being human so unnatural?It has begun,a race of human against human.Now the nature of war is not between continents,not between countries or states,it has rather broken down to the level of people in neighborhood,who fight and compete to dominate.Gone are the days when people visited one another frequently to offer friendship ,love and faith.Now apartments of 3 by 4 are being divided as 12 individual flats,each one for itself.The war for survival has just begun and you,if dont pass for "sanity",better begin getting smarter soon ,or get ready to be probed by highly prioritized intellectuals,if at all you are worthy enough to befit the standards of machines,or less ,the spare parts.If no , bbye Tommy,find a place on Mars! Mother Earth has forgotten yet another child of hers,and itz time for you to leave..

The boy in the striped pyjamas

An 8 year old German Christian child (our C-boy) gets an old tutor,Herr Lizst,who is replacing his books of childish adventures with the current ADVENTURES that the boy's father and his fellowmen are in the pursuit of.He stands as a respectably ranked soldier who has been offered a task for his Fatherland ,to reinstate the credibility of his nation.

Well,as for the boy,as we all have been,it was a total bore,he hardly caught anything while her sister,12, enticed by the charm of another Herr WHO I don't know, was hallucinated with her inheritance.

Now,what if u have all the luxuries in the world and no one to share it with? Only your mind knows it is luxuries before u,then ask your heart.And then what do u expect of an 8 yr old child??Same did happen.But much before the monotone had succumbed him in its glutton,his only hobby,exploring,took him far into what he called "farms" and his father "camps".It was a child in there,a boy,in striped pyjamas,on the outskirts of the "farm",now 8 too,encamped by electrically wired fences, a Jew( our J-boy).

The drama begins in them meeting every other day to discuss of their lives.However lonely they were,they didn't complain of any,it were just facts for them,may be they needed to have a bit more of experience to note that point.Our C-boy used to steal some food from his place for his only friend and our J-boy,used to tell how his father was once a watch-maker and now worked with shoes in the camp.

And then one day,out of wonder,the J-boy appeared at the C-boy's place.He was helped in as there lay a vacancy for someone with "tiny fingers" to take care of the glass utensils,to polish them.The C-boy felt happy finding his friend about,and went along to talk to him of his late.Then knowing it,he offered him a sandwitch or a cookie,I know not,that was just leisurely laying about.And as soon as he took a bite,our Herr WHO walked in and inquired of his guts to have to eat the cream of the kings!! The J-boy confidently spoke of their friendship and told him how he came about that.The C-boy couldn't hold his nerve and spoke that it was the first time he had seen him and as soon as he entered,he saw the J-boy helping himself.He was then asked to leave and the J-boy later too ,only a bit more distorted.

It could be thought as an end to friendship,but as I said,they had to had a little more experience. The conscience in the C-boy kept appealing him,his tears told everything.Everyday he whirled to the farm,only to find another place of solitude,when his heart sank and he sinking back to his place,when one day,he reappeared,and forgave him on the C-boy's plead of guilt.

It was the day when the C-boy was about to leave his town,he went to the J-boy to help him find out his missing PAPA,the only way he thought to put up with his last failure in the face of friendship. He dressed himself up in the same striped pyjamas ,as the jews there,but,unfortunately, was asked to strip off his clothes by his father's men and was taken to that boiler which followed up to that chimney he had always seen from far,where he in his last moments realized was not the one where they dumped the non-living trash,but the human counterparts,the jews. But to tell u,he never left those tiny fingers!!

His people kept telling him ,not to get past that back door which eventually led to the farm of his.He never listened.He was incessantly being borne-in the idea that JEWS were his enemies,he never listened,but looked that through his optimistic scale,to find if their could be "nice" jews as well, who did not contaminate the C-culture.Well he failed,didn't he,the devil was right there in the J-boy,oh what an idiot.Now,if u people accept this angle,dont read past ahead,itz the end of my views for u,but for my friends,continue..

The C-boy was not there for no reason.He failed in the barbarian idea of the division of humanity ,into sect and cultures, but he passed as human.At the age of 8, he analyzed how very same that 8-yr old J-boy was, as he was. How he was not contaminating cultures ,how he was just a poor kid with a number on him to be identified , how he devoured the little pieces of chocolates he brought for him,and how in his innocence knew not to play with the ball,as it could have been "dangerous",how he could forgive him after being torn at his eyes,how his voice diminished on the idea of parting from him.Yes,I believe this was human.He paid his price for the little felony that he had made in the face of his friendship in the form of his life,but he, till the last, did not leave the J-boy's hand, it was a promise he looked to keep,and see how keep he did,didn't he??

Success

As per Wikipedia "a level of social status,achievement of an objective/goal,the opposite of failure" is success.How do the people of the present era comprehend it?A pedestrian in just a compromising suit and the battered chappal in his feet,smoking a filterless cigarette, is not successful.Why? Because his appearance is that of an ordinary man ,and the ordinary man is not successful.

We have succumbed to this idea ,specially in India.If you don't have the position,u are no near to being a winner.Going back to the past,the idea of evolution of man can be taken to be the most successful serial event that this part of the class mammalia can think of.Did we evolve with the discovery of gold and silver and copper?No way.Not at all.We evolved b'coz we had the knowledge to overpower and compete with the most that dominated him ,talk of physical capability.Then where does success demand wealth? I don't know.

Cowardice

People say that theoretically such a thing may be spoken of,practically it is not possible.As if PV=nRT , the most renowned gas law,fails when checked practically!! What nonsense is this,why don't we simply understand that all the physical stands we take,carry out, has a theory in its making??

Cowardice is something I hate.To stand back with a heart filled with an idea to hinder the ordeal of the hour is injustice to being called a man. Why, have you not been provided the incarnation to reason? Is standing to what you believe so bad?Is the anticipated predicament of the near future so torturous? Why then,after u have stood back ,are u going to escape another one following closely ? The one that emerges from your heart and has contentment in its making ?Naah, it can never be. And then u will be filled with the continual intervention of the same thought, why did I not actually 'live' that moment, the way I wanted to.Because there might be pitier eyes which had expectations in the pearls held between them.Because they actually wanted to make themselves proud by watching u stand adamant against the adversary.

The practical advises u get my friends,think them over.It is not always that u might b wrong.And what will that be after all ? A moment from all ur life.See,the comparison is infinitesimal.And the moment u stand to what ur conscience appeals to,ur character asks u 2, ur life will have changed. There wont be reverberations of any afterthought thereon and u will be a proud man !!

Destiny

"Aparna was looking awesome in her green sari ,adorned with all the jeweleries she had. The ecstasy constantly glittered in her smiles.It was the day when her film was released and under such coveted banner,there was no reason to be anywhere below the cloud 9.It was her first film after her first child Angel was born 3 yrs ago.The lovely child,who had felt the warmth of her motherhood,the eyes so green,and his fingers so small and his cheeks so red.

Aparna was leaving early with Rahul,her husband.The child was promised to be taken to the theater with the maid,Radha and the driver.It was quarter to 12 when the throng emerged at the hall,and so did Aparna ,with her husband and Angel,with Radha.What does a child look for in such a haphazard environment,one he is not used to? His mother.The ultimate comforter.His eyes were busy browsing for a glimpse of hers while she was busy adjusting her sari in order not to be chided by the so called cultured group of people around her.Anyways,Angel managed to win at last but only by a distance of 50 meters when he saw Aparna. And then he was happy to see her on the big screen all of a sudden.He was dancing to her sweet songs , was alluded by her gestures and cried as she did. And suddenly it happened.She was burning into flames.In the dolby digital theater,the sound was deafening!! The crowd clapped and the child wept.He wept to death.The horror was enough for the poor child.

The problem with children is that they sleep anywhere,anytime.Radha didn't notice what had happened,while Angel had left to be taken care by another angel.The crowd roared in appreciation for the movie.Rahul and Aparna kissed for the approval of the same. The bountiful joy of victory ,that day,came at the bier of her Angel.The lovely child,who had felt the warmth of her motherhood,the eyes so green,and his fingers so small and his cheeks so red,though his heart not beating anymore!!"

This is what is defined as destiny.Who was responsible for what had happened ? Was it Aparna or the innocence of the poor child ? Never did anyone know the reason for the demise and Radha was taken into police custody.

There are instances in life,where we feel so delusional and inappropriate about what is happening. You intend something and the results ,or the perspective from which people evaluate you for the same,are completely disjoint.You will feel to cry the hell out,but no one would understand.Then you would know what you should abide in,that's faith!!

LOVE

What are the odds that,what the Indian appearance in the Matrix Revolution said about love is true??He said," Its just another word".Well then,what would such bit-minded dumb-asses know about love?? I am not saying that I am an atheist and a firm believer or preacher.Its just feelings overwhelmed,with each of them unfolding a dilemma ,is it "ME" who thinks like that??Is it rational enough to not guarantee insanity ?? Or it can be let live the life its living within me..Yeah,yeah,yeah..I haven't been untouched..And as u would not expect,I am NOT a loser here.I'll throw an insight in words which exactly aren't symphonic,yet tell the truth.



Standing among the serene enchant of the ice-laden trees,
I was passing through bewildered,
Naught finding the remnants of the ever-fierce sun,
I chuckled to me,
It was my life’s manifestation..

Long ,long ,long I had lost her,
The sparkling of her eyes ,
Once shone my life,
Like the sun which shone to shackle the bitter cold,
Arising aspirations in the poor farmer,
Pacifying every face in the world,
Enhancing the stretch of life..again..

Today I stand abreast my doom,
Who knows ..who wins the Hide and Seek above,
Who knows when the sun shines in next,
For its destined ..
It not was her will to abscond..

Its human to try,
To comprehend the “why”,
Reasoning,”Is fate faster than love,
Will it guide me always??”

Will it never be compassionate,
For the love I made to her,
For the nights I yelped for her,
For the moments when she lay beside me,
And I sheltered her in my arms,
And curls of her locks,
Breathing in love, kissing me!!

‘Sometimes among the woods when we were passing by,
She asked me what will I do if she died??
I kissed her and clinched her close to feel my heart,
The thump was fast and I was all lost,
Enough to think if it was true,
Asked, “What would you do if it was you?”

The sun was shadowed by the wholesome dark clouds,
It poured and poured, our eyes albeit locked,
I read through her shy lenses,
It was me, only my reflection within,
The thunder struck, it roared -the satan,
She squeezed me ,I touched her soul,
And then I knew I never would want more…’

Now her sweet smile perturbs me,
Agitated I feel when the wolves cry loud in the woods,
The unresolved sniffles of hers still scream to my heart,
But memories cannot be followed,
For they always lead to the past,
Where the waves of hope surged so high,
Where the sun shone in the sparkles of her eyes,
It rained when tears rolled down her eyes,
When I had in my arms, my love, but passing by!!!

:Composed on (31-10-2008)